Better Things


I've always liked this quote (probably pinned it several times!) but I decided last week I needed to do something more with it. This photo has always been one of my favourites (taken by my BFF) and I knew immediately they'd make a beautiful pair.

I went into this design having a rough idea of what I wanted it to look like, and I must say, I think it turned out really beautifully. The gorgeous photo and simple solid text pair well (one of my favourite fonts lately - using it in so many of my projects!). I think I'm going to have to try and do more of these!

What do you think?

xo,
B

Linking up with the lovely ladies of the God-sized Dream Team. Click here to see all my Dream Team posts.

The 'Why'


Some days are more frustrating than others. Today was fairly average on the frustrating scale, but lately my days seem to have more frustrations than successes. My computer is dying, my walls need to be painted, there's not enough chocolate (there's never enough chocolate haha) etc. Just a bunch of little things building up.

I often wonder why I'm doing this. This design business stuff. Because it would be way 'easier' to work for another company doing media or design things. It would ease a lot of worries and it would be nice to count on a steady paycheck. Somedays, the prospect of a 'real job' is mighty appealing.

I have to keep reminding myself why I do this.

I do this because I love design. Fonts, colours, making everything look just right brings me a lot of joy. Install days are some of my favourites :)

I do this because everything I've done so far has brought me here. Graphic design, web design, blogging - all of my past experience has brought me here. And I'm learning new things all the time. (read my story here)

I do this because I believe I was meant to. I don't think I'll be doing this forever, but right here & now, God has called me to do this. To design beautiful blogs & websites and use my talents to help wherever I can.

But that doesn't mean some days aren't hard. And yes, some days I do doubt more than I should. But I'm working on that.

"Fear hangs out right next to whatever it is you’re most called to do. That means the closer you get to your calling, the louder fear sounds. Keep going–fear is a chihuahua that sounds like a Doberman."
- Holley Gerth, You're Made For a God-sized Dream
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Linking up with the lovely ladies of the God-sized Dream Team. Click here to see all my Dream Team posts.

Ideas & Plans


I don't think there's enough time in the day to complete all the things my brain dreams up. Truly.

An idea here, an idea there. Nothing really formed, just snippets of possibilities.

To turn even one of those possibilities into a reality would be so incredibly fun, but the starting point is often as vague as the idea itself.

And all these ideas are making me sad. Because I know the possibilities. I know the ideas. But I don't know how to get from idea to reality. I'm not a visionary.

I'm a problem solver, but these ideas aren't even formed enough to have problems yet.

And the not knowing what to do? It makes me sad. I see all these chances flying by and I keep missing them.
lettered by the very talented Kelly Cummings

I think of this quote a lot. And there have been things I've started and I am so glad I did.

But this is now. And I'm struggling. With turning these ideas into plans and those plans into realities.

Linking up with the lovely ladies of the God-sized Dream Team. Click here to see all my Dream Team posts.

Many Thanks

I've been trying to write this post for a few days now, but I just didn't know what to do with it. So, it is going to be a post full of thankyou's. They are oh so necessary and I definitely don't say thankyou enough.
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First of all, thank YOU for stopping by & reading, wouldn't be the same without you here :)

Thankyou to those who comment, your words brighten my days :)

Thankyou to those who inspire me, because my creative juices would be so low without you and your wonderfulness.
Thankyou mama, for loving me & being supportive and putting up with my weirdness haha :)

Thankyou Brenna, for introducing me to Emily Freeman & the (in)courage community.

Thankyou Holley, for creating this God-sized Dreams group, can not wait to read the book!!

And Ashley, Melissa, Sarah & Amber, thankyou all for being my God-sized Dream Team buddies :)

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We were not created to be islands, we need others to encourage & inspire us and to celebrate with us and help keep us going even when the going gets rough. We need community; we were built for community. So thankyou, to all of you who inhabit my little community :)

Go thank someone special in your life today :)

xo,
B

Linking up with the lovely ladies of the God-sized Dream Team. Click here to see all my Dream Team posts.

Dream Big

Good morning!

I have a little story to share today :)

My mom got a set of 4 mugs for Christmas. They all have the same pretty writing around the outside, but they each have a different message on the inside. 'Live Well', 'Laugh Often', 'Celebrate Life', and 'Dream Big'.

The first few times we used them, I kept getting the same mug. When I'd pull one out of the cupboard, or when someone else was making the tea, it was the same mug. Clearly, someone was trying to tell me something.

Last week I was dead set on buying my first DSLR camera. I'd saved up my birthday & Christmas money, I knew the one I wanted and I found (what I thought was) a great deal. Turns out my deal wasn't as much of a deal as I thought, and I was going to have to pay $100+ more than what I was planning.

So I walked away.

And I won't lie, I was fairly disappointed. I had big plans for this new camera. But the reality is, I didn't really need it. I sort of needed it, but not really. I also sort of need a new computer. And to upgrade my Photoshop (still using CS3). And probably a few other things I haven't thought of that this little business of mine needs.

Maybe buying a camera wasn't my first step to sort of building my little business. Maybe I needed to not buy that camera so I could come home, and make a plan to really build this business. Not just sort of build this business.

Clearly God knew this all along, whispering 'dream big' to me as I drank my tea.

No more sortof's, or maybe's, or if/when's, I want to do this and do it right.
Even if I have to wait to buy that pretty camera :)

xo,
B

Linking up with the lovely ladies of the God-sized Dream Team. Click here to see all my Dream Team posts.

On Fear & Failure

Having finished writing this post, I don't know how I feel about it. Mostly confused, but also maybe a bit determined? To not let this fear define me. But I'm still scared stupid. Anyone else out there ever feel like this? I know I can't be the only one. And now I'm avoiding hitting publish. So! onto the post:


I had planned on celebrating my 2 year blog-a-versary last week, but I managed to catch some nasty bug (probably the flu) and spent most of my week on the couch surrounded by kleenexes and cough drops. Glamourous, I know. (I really hope you're all staying healthy and had a wonderful holiday time!)

I didn't really want this to be my first post of 2013. Well, really I didn't want to write this post. I've written and rewritten the intro for it so many times in my head and debated posting it at all. But I think I need to get it written down and out of my head. Then it can live here and not clutter my thoughts.

So here it goes.

I am terrified of failure.

There. It doesn't seem like such a big thing written there in that small sentence, but when it invades almost every aspect of your life, it certainly doesn't seem small.

We all have fears. Most are little, but some are big. Failure is my big one.

I don't know how it started, or when it got so bad, but I think its been there most of my life. I remember in grade 7, we had a science fair. We had to come up with an idea and run experiments to test our hypothesis. I remember one girl tested mood rings, and someone else tested different detergents, but me? I tested water evaporation. And I didn't even write my hypothesis until after I'd done the experiment. Seriously. Apparently I was scared of failure even at 11 or 12.

In highschool I remember not wanting to answer questions in class in case I got the answer wrong. But I remember one time in math class I was feeling somewhat confident, so I put my hand up to volunteer an answer from the day before's homework. Out of the whole page of questions I finished the night before, the one I volunteered to answer was the one I got wrong. I think that was in grade 9. And I still remember that exact moment.

My favourite subjects were always math and science. Partly because I was good at them, and partly because there were definitive right-or-wrong answers. So I could be sure to not get the answers wrong. History to some extent is like that too, but english and philosophy and all those other classes (that I can't think of because I never took them)? Too iffy. Too many opinions, not enough absolute facts.

I guess along with failure, I was afraid of disappointment. I was always the 'good child'. The one who did well in school, who followed the rules, who dreaded getting in trouble, who stayed inside the box. Because inside the box was safe.

But I'm feeling a need to get out of the box where I've spent so much of my life. And what lies outside the box? On one side, excellence. But on the other side, failure. And that fear of failure has been what's kept me inside the box for so long. I've never excelled at anything I've done because to strive for excellence is also to risk failure. And I just don't know what I would do if failure happened.

I mean, obviously, the world would not end. I would carry on and learn and grow I'm sure. But it's one thing to say that and it's another to truly believe it deep down. I can say it and believe it on some level, but I don't believe it deep down.

So what do I believe deep down? That I would be a disappointment. I would no longer be 'the good girl' who does what she's told and follows instructions and stays in line. I would have screwed up.

And it's not even about perfection. Because I'm not a perfectionist. It's like I'm a 'good-enough-er'. When something is 'good enough' I stop. Because to push it farther, closer to perfection, is also to risk screwing it up. And see? We're back to fearing failure.

I don't think I could have put the words to this fear as a kid, but I think it's always been there. I don't know why or how. I don't remember a defining moment that shaped the fear or some huge trauma that  brought it on. But I would really rather it be gone.

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This has been a rambly post. And way more personal than the stuff I normally post. But I want 2013 to be the year when I'm not afraid. I want to follow a few dreams that have been lurking around for a while. I've even joined a team to help me follow these dreams (here's the linkup to my fellow dreamers).

But I'm still afraid of failure. Probably always will be. So I guess my challenge is to figure out how to make it not matter as much. How to make this fear smaller. And they say to overcome a fear you have to face it head-on. So maybe this will be a year of failures as well as dreams? Goodness, this should be fun.

I'm going to be writing about following my dreams this year. I'm doing this with the intention of keeping myself accountable as well as documenting it for my future self.

I don't know how it will go, but this is week one.
And this is what I'm feeling.
Afraid.

I don't want to hit publish on this. Or even read it through again. But I guess every journey needs a first step. This is mine? Or maybe this is the step before the first step? I don't even know.